Government

[Jim Barrus]

In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah,who was now living in the United States, and said:Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thingalong with a few good humans.He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:You have 6 months to build the Ark before I willstart the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noahweeping in his yard - but no Ark.Noah!, He roared, I'm about to start the rain!Where is the Ark?Forgive me, Lord,; begged Noah,but things havechanged. I needed a building permit.I've been arguing with the inspectorabout the need for a sprinkler system.My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhoodzoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceedingthe height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Boardfor a decision.Then the Department of Transportation demanded abond be posted for the future costs of moving powerlines and other overhead obstructions, to clear thepassage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told themthat the sea would be coming to us, but they wouldhear nothing of it.Getting the wood was another problem. There's a banon cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.I tried to convince the environmentalists that Ineeded the wood to save the owls - but no go!When I started gathering the animals, an animalrights group sued me. They insisted that I wasconfining wild animals against their will. Theyargued the accommodations were too restrictive, andit was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals ina confined space.Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Arkuntil they'd conducted an environmental impact studyon your proposed flood.I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with theHuman Rights Commission on how many minorities I'msupposed to hire for my building crew.Immigration and Naturalization are checking thegreen-card status of most of the people who want to work.The trades unions say I can't use my sons. Theyinsist I have to hire only Union workers withArk-building experience.To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets,claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegallywith endangered species.So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10years for me to finish this Ark.Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,and a rainbow stretched across the sky.Noah looked up in wonder and asked,You mean you're not going to destroy the world?The GOVERNMENT beat me to it.