Lt. Gen. John Kelly, who lost son to war, says U.S. largely unaware of sacrifice

The Washington Post

By Greg Jaffe

Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, March 2, 2011; 12:00 AM

 

Before he addressed the crowd that had assembled in the St. Louis Hyatt Regency ballroom last November, Lt. Gen. John F. Kelly had one request. "Please don't mention my son," he asked the Marine Corps officer introducing him.

This Story

• Lt. Gen. John Kelly, who lost son to war, says U.S. largely unaware of sacrifice
• A war made personal

Four days earlier, 2nd Lt. Robert M. Kelly , 29, had stepped on a land mine while leading a platoon of Marines in southern Afghanistan. He was killed instantly.

Without once referring to his son's death, the general delivered a passionate and at times angry speech about the military's sacrifices and its troops' growing sense of isolation from society.

"Their struggle is your struggle," he told the ballroom crowd of former Marines and local business people. "If anyone thinks you can somehow thank them for their service, and not support the cause for which they fight - our country - these people are lying to themselves. . . . More important, they are slighting our warriors and mocking their commitment to this nation."

Kelly is the most senior U.S. military officer to lose a son or daughter in Iraq or Afghanistan. He was giving voice to a growing concern among soldiers and Marines: The American public is largely unaware of the price its military pays to fight the United States' distant conflicts. Less than 1 percent of the population serves in uniform at a time when the country is engaged in one of the longest periods of sustained combat in its history.

President Obama devoted only six sentences to the war in Afghanistan in his State of the Union address in January. The 25-second standing ovation that lawmakers lavished on the troops lasted almost as long as the president's war remarks.

Kelly has largely shunned public attention since his speech and his son's death. He discussed his speech and his son to provide insight into the lives and the burdens of military families.

"We are only one of 5,500 American families who have suffered the loss of a child in this war," he said in an e-mail. "The death of my boy simply cannot be made to seem any more tragic than the others."

On Tuesday, Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates said he had nominated Kelly to be his senior military assistant, a powerful position by virtue of its minute-by-minute proximity to the Pentagon chief. He would serve as a key liaison between the defense secretary and the top brass.

As in many military families, Kelly's two sons followed their father into the Marine Corps. The three Kelly men have participated in 11 combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan over the past decade.

As one retired Marine Corps general noted in a condolence letter to Kelly a few days after his son's death: "Service to and sacrifice for the nation have become a legacy affair for a relatively small number of families."

'Living on luck'

A few days after graduating from Florida State University in 2003, Robert Kelly surprised his family by enlisting in the Marine Corps. His elder brother, John, had joined as an officer two years earlier. Their father was leading Marines in Iraq.

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you can read the comments here (some really made me angry) and this one I knew I had to share here:

 

warfromabroad wrote:

As a woman, a Mother, who was in Iraq I can relate to the article's premise. Obviously a good number of you are just commenting to hear yourselves type. The point is that you, most of you, more than 99% of you don't have a Damn clue what War is besides a cash figure. You also don't give a Damn about the people In and Out of uniform who work to support the War because they work for the USG - regardless of Administration. The General's point is that you, the populace, are so far separated that you can't even dissent properly as you don't know who you are dissenting against. Call your congressman, tell your representatives that you want us (the USG) out of the wars. But RESPECT those of us who volunteered. We are not suckers or idiots who deserve to be blown up. We are the people who allow you to rant on and on without the threat of being smacked upside the head for what you are saying. We are also the same people who will volunteer to defend this country on our OWN soil, should it come to that. No one in the article was saying that War was Right or War was Good. What the General is trying to put forth is that you don't have a Damn Clue. And you know what? Almost every single comment so far supports his belief 110%.
As for me, I would be happy to turn into an isolationist country where we don't deal with anyone for anything. But we can no longer do that since most of our manufacturing is gone and our economy depends on other countries. But you keep yelling out there. See how far that gets you without Voting Your Conscience.
*Thank you Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines as well as the USG non-uniformed in the fight for your Service to Country.*

[g1mer17vgnmt]

Thank you for saying what I think.... the average American don't have a clue to what's happening to their country or their troops. They just want all the freebies and not be bothered. But, the day is coming when all Americans will have to get up off their duff and fight for the right to be an American.

[Sandra Lee Smith]

With all the information technology we have today, the American people DO actually know LESS about these wars, than they did about the progress of WWII, and they largely seem to care FAR less than civilians on the home front did then too.  Vietnam was more widely reported and publicized, even near the end, than these wars have been in years, for all it was as unpopular as these have become.  I suppose the "instant gratification" generation expected them to be won in a few months and all over with long since.  What they never grasped is that first, the REAL ENEMY was never clearly identified, in this war, by our civilian leadership, thus they've been sending mixed, confusing signals to our military personnel, and second, the very NATURE of this enemy makes a quick, easy war, under the rules of engagement set by the civilian leaders, impossible.  One commenter said something about supporting the troops without supporting the war, which he claimed is what LGEN Kelly said; when the general said you can't support the troops without supporting the REASON they go to war, the nation!  So many these days are so incapable of, or unwilling to, understand what motivates folks to join the military in the first place.  And one, I had to respond to made a comment about  beefing up defense spending while cutting VA benefits.  Might as well have said: "We're sending you off to war to fight our battles, but if you come home broken, too bad, you're on your own!"  Apparently, he thought he was talking about "cogs" in some machine, not human beings who are sacrificing for HIS rights and life!  But as long as the media are ratings-driven, and the civilian leadership remains so anti-military personnel, I don't see this situation changing a great deal, unfortunately.

[gary kaalberg]

as a father of a fallen warrior and a wounded warrior i must admit that in the dark hours of the night i often find myself thinking that this country was not worth their sacrifice. every time i see one of these pukes complaining about how unfair america is to him i feel like lashing out. for most americans its all about them. the next reality t.v. star or who is on dancing with the stars. i feel like at times there are 97% couch critters and progressives and the last of us. the 3%rs who seem to find the courage from somewhere to fight on daily. everyday the rage in me takes me to the brink of going nuclear but that fear of loss of this great nation holds me back. i know how this general feels. i share his pain. our military today faces very tough challenges of which most are put on their backs by this false commander in chief. they are and their famalies are in my prayers nightly.

 

[Sandra Lee Smith]

Thank your child for his/her service, and I offer my heartfelt condolences on your loss.

[2ftv7pg4q5il8]

GOD Bless You Gary. Thank You for your tolerance and patience in your mission to get the message out despite  your dealing with tremendous sorrow.  Yes, indeed, today's America does not know that FREEDOM is NOT Free.

[Shane S.]

Gary,

You and your family will always be in the prayers of many here. I am saddened to here of the lose of one of your children and the wounding of another. The sacrifice that they and the rest of your family made can never be truly repaid. But we can do all to make sure that it is not in vain nor ever forgotten.

[Christine Ulferts]

That is not true!  Many of us do have a clue and we know what the troops are going through!  Also we see that there is a president who doesn't care a fig about the troops until it's time for re-election.  Many of us donate to groups that help the vets and those who are still fighting for our freedom and the freedom of others.  However there are many of the leeches in this country who don't care about the war, or the men  and women involved, just the free chit they get from Hussain off the backs of the taxpayers.  They will never change and I don't hold my breath waiting for the big  change!  I lost my fiancee in Viet Nam and it seemed no one cared except me and his parents and friends.  It was made all the worse by Hanoi Jane and John Kerry, both traitors in my mind and not worthy of mentioning his name!  Ask our Nam vets how they felt when they came home and were spit on and called baby killers by Americans!

[Sandra Lee Smith]

I served during the height of the war in 'Nam, and even though I never went over seas or was in combat, the very fact that I was in a uniform was grounds for derision and name-calling; for some it was even worse.  There was a Navy Commander murdered on the I 495 beltway, less than 30 miles from where I was serving, on his way home from his duty that day at the Pentagon, simply for being in the uniform of his nation, that I know of and many other incidents.  I came within a hair of being assaulted by 4 hippie sorts at a  truck stop in PA, while in transit in uniform, and it was only the fact that at about 0230, that place was pretty full of truckers, the bulk of whom were WWII and Korean vets, and recognized and respected that uniform.  As one about 20 of them came up out of their seats when that quartet started in at me.  Fortunately the hippies were smart enough to LEAVE, or I'm sure there would have been blood shed.  I was also in the DC area for the weekend that the Redskins's stadium was used and filled as a holding tank, while Marines and others from area bases were manning weapons ALL over that city. I was dating a Marine gunnery officer who had a machine gun nest in the top of the Washington monument.  So I got a good taste of how the military personnel were being treated then.  It wasn't very nice at all.  And it makes me sick to see that happening again to our troops, by those SAME hippies, who are now RUNNING our nation!  I am sorry for your loss; I lost a lot of friends over there too; classmates I'd gone all the way through school with, and others I worked with in the service as well.  Some of us cared then, but we seemed to be the minority then as well.

[Wiccanwolf]

These idiots who listen to the lame stream media never realize the cost of anything! They are a part of the 97% that the Military defends all of the time. The people are too tied up on what tramp of the week is sleeping with who, or what sports idiot is going to get paid than to understand what sacrifices we have made to allow them to be dumb asses!

[william e grant]

Dave you know what i don't think they will, they would rather be Communist than fight.