PELOSIUMA major research institution has just announced thediscovery of the densest element yet known to science.The new element has been named Pelosium.Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons,75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons,giving it an atomic mass of 311.These particles are held together by dark forcescalled morons, which are surrounded by vast quantitiesof lepton-like particles called peons.The symbol of Pelosium is PU.Pelosium's mass actually increases over time, as moronsrandomly interact with various elements in the atmosphereand become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosiummolecule, leading to the formation of isodopes.This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientistto believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reacha certain quantity in concentration.This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates CNNadnausium,an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy,albeit as incoherent noise, since it has half as many peonsbut twice as many morons as Pelosium.
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